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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Things that are funny until they happen to you

There are some things that are funny when they happen to others. Below is a list that has happened to me, my friends, or complete strangers. But they do make funny stories later.

-Toilet paper stuck on someone's shoe or sticking out of their pants.

-A zipper open on a pair of pants or buttons open on a shirt thus exposing all of the goodies someone has.

-Someone bends down and their pants rip, again exposing the goodies.

-Walking out on a first date with bed head.

-Getting into someone else's car after lunch.

-Walking around with food in your face or shirt. Then go into a meeting with.

-Wearing different shoes.

-Having mismatched socks.

-You fart in a fairly quiet class like a yoga or Pilates class.


Please feel free to comment if you have anythings that happened to you or your loved ones.

Until next time watch out for that trailing toilet paper.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Yep I think of these things

So my mind is a little warped. Could be why I don't like being in an office and would rather run around like a chicken. But really, I just think of weird and funny things. Well funny to me and a few friends.


More things I'd live to say


From the way your chewing with your mouth open and making noises, I am going to guess you were raised by cows.

Your not a door so don't stop in the middle of an aisle or when you walk through an entrance.

Is that frown permanently stuck on your face?

Funnies

Oh peeps the brain isn't working. I think there are some gold fish swimming in my head. I wonder if they'd like a steak dinner.

Rode my hamster wheel aka the bike and wouldn't you know it 7 four year olds passed me. And they were only walking.



Until next let your wackiness out.

Riding the hamster wheel aka the bike

The past 4 days I have been riding my bike outside. I am not sure what hurts
more my butt or my legs. I have one of those comfort bikes that has shocks on it and a nice seat. Yep those nice seats don't help. Nor does a bike seat. No matter what you try your ass is going to hurt until mid summer when you get your bike ass.

Not to mention having to avoid the crazy squirrels running all over he place. I think they have a death wish and it's not just saved for cars. I don't think they are picky if it's a bike or a car. At least they don't yell at me when I pass them like the geese do. These are the same geese that hang in the parks that see me and other people on the paths and sidewalks. One day there will be a brawl over the path. I'm sure the squirrels will win. They can climb trees and I cannot. It would be funny to see a goose in a tree.

Then there is always the little kids that pass me. I'm talking 4 year olds. They walk right past me as I'm riding my bike. Yes I said walk. Who knew that they walk that fast. I didn't. They must teach speed walking in preschool or daycare.

Until next time, watch out for the geese and the walkers.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Elevators

People are funny in elevators. Twice a co worker and I get into an elevator with someone way to involved in their phone conversations. So we hit out floor and they don't hit theirs not ask us to hit it. So we get off laughing because we have no idea if they realize they are not going to their floor. Of course we'd love to see what happens when they end up going back down or up a few time before realizing.

Until next time keep riding the elevator.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

The joys of the little things

It's the little things that make me so excited. Like my bike ride today. It was wonderful. I got to do a lot of thinking about my next thing to write about. The kids are playing in the parks, dogs are walking their owners, and the squirrels are chasing each other. I love watching the squirrels. It almost like they are playing catch with the nuts.

Until next time don't drop the nut.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The laughs and no regrets

Everything that I have done has been a learning experience. At least I try to think of it that way instead of regrets. The experiences have made me who I am today. Everything from my first boyfriend, my first job, and all the people I knew. Not to mention the stories I have from these experiences with friends and family.

When I was about 2 or 3 my parents were living in Chicago in a 2 bedroom 1 bath apartment on the 3rd floor. My uncle decided it would be a good idea to buy me a duck for Easter. It was a little yellow fuzzy fur ball. Then it started growing into a duck with the white feathers. My parents had kept it in a playpen and let it swim in the bathtub. There are pictures of the duck, my cousin and I. When I get the photo albums back I'll scan in the pictures I them. Thinking about it is pretty funny having a duck in an apartment with a couple kids. Yep that's a keeper of a story.

Until next time, don't quack too much.

Monday, March 19, 2012

I chose to try and sell that

There are some things I wonder what made me try that. Like selling adult toys. It has not been that successful. It has been one topic that I have always been comfortable talking about. I have been very open to most people about that part of my life. I know some people are not comfortable talking about it.

There are some things that I do not mention like names of people on certain stories. Like things that have happened in a threesome. The names of the other 2 are not important. I prefer to keep those name private. There is no reason to mention it because they may not want to be known.

My weird creativity

There are time when I think I am very creative. Other times not so much. But this is some of the latest.


Fruit as Balls
What could be more fun
Than playing catch with a lemon
Surely not a watermelon
Just imagine the slimy mess
After dropping it a few times

Fluttering Butterflies
Butterflies fluttering around in the sun
Amongst the flowers and trees
Landing ever so peaceful
Taking off ever so gently
Full of life and beauty
Always graceful and yet so fast

My Personality
I am quirky
I am strange
I am weird
I have a good heard
I have a good soul
To me ths is my normal
If you do not like it then
Go somewhere where you
Can find normal
Good luck on your quests

Sunday, March 18, 2012

St. Patty's day

We were downtown Chicago yesterday for a few hours. There were a lot of people all decked out in green and drunk. I must be old because I thought it was funny and annoying all at the same time. I know back in the day I must have looked like them. Which doesn't seem like that long ago. But I knew when I was in my 20's that there were other ways to have fu other than getting slammed.

Girls were walking around is short shirts and skimpy tops with leg warmers and flip flops. Those were pretty funny to see.

Till next time watch out for that green beer.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Drawing skills

Yep I cannot draw. I started playing drawsomething with my cousin's 14 year old son. It is a riot. The things that you need to draw are hard, while S
some are easy. It reminds me of Pictionary from the 80's or 90's. I never had artistic abilities but I always tried and always had a good laugh. Some laughs were the belly laughs while some were little chuckles.

In 1983 when I was 12 I made the ceramic thing in the pictures. It was supposed to be a bird. I was so proud of it. Years later I laughed because it was a wingless bird. Yep, I forgot to put wings on it. But I still like it and if anything it has a lot of color.

Let me sit there and just laugh. That is one skill I have nailed down. Oh and saying random things like telling my team lead his shirt reminds me of a picnic table cloth. Yes,that came out of my mouth when the senior director was about 15 feet away.

Till next time, keep flying in a hot air balloon.

Funnies

Elephant
No matter what happens
Laughter will make it seem not so bad
So when things get bad
Think of a purple elephant with lime green polka dots
Who’s wearing a little orange clown hat

Monkey
Who would have thought?
A rainbow colored monkey wearing a grass skirt
Playing the bongo drums
Could be so much fun to watch

Grass
Ever wonder why
Grass smells when it’s cut
Or how they get that into a candle
Do they walk around with a fan?
Blowing it into a jar
Then pour it into the wax

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Corn beef dinner at church

I went to help my grandpa at church last night. He made his corn beef which was great. I didn't eat much of it. I was saving room for dessert. I didn't do too bad with food. It could have been better but I didn't over do it like I normally do.

It was a lot is fun helping him and I got to spend time with him.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Things I’d love to say out loud

Really you’re penciling in your eyebrows. What happened did your hand slip when you were shaving your legs?


You actually think I care about your stupid drama. Put your big girl pants on and deal with it.

If you don’t think the meteorologist is doing a good job then you go to school and trying predicting nature. Let’s see how the hell you do jackass.

Really you thought that having that many kids was a good idea. Did your doctor or anyone else tall you that your uterus may fall out?

It takes a special person to take all that time to extreme coupon. Who has the time for that? I mean really when do you have time to do anything else.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Pictures from the weekend

Here are some of the pictures from the weekend the deer are hidden in the trees. The log has a cat in it.

Podcasts

I would love to do a podcast. I think it would be a blast. I started looking up how to do it and someone else I know thinks it would be fun too. I just have to get my butt in gear to do it. Plus get the guts to do it.

This is amongst one of many things I want to do. You never know what will take off. So time to get back to googling on how to do it.

Till next time, keep on dreaming.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Bike ride

Instead of downloading my pictures I went for a bike ride instead. It was such a beautiful day that I could not pass it up. I put my phone in my bag I have in my bike and played music. It was great to be out and seeing people walking and enjoying the parks.

We didn't have a real harsh winter but the warmer weather is a nice change. The fact that it is light out longer is another plus. I do love the changing seasons. I love how how I feel when spring comes. I feel so renewed. By winter I feel spent and like hibernating. But I like these changes. I feel as the seasons change I am cleansing my soul and body.

Till next time.

Deer

We went walking in a forest preserve near the house today taking in the 57 degree weather. There were about 8 deer we saw up ahead about 80 yards away. They were slowly running following each other. I snapped some pictures so hopefully they come out.

We kept walking when we see the see again running faster. Then we saw a group of 40 people walking and we realized the deer were running from them. It was still awesome to see.

We also a cat in a hallowed out tree that had fallen. At first we thought it was maybe it was a wolf or coyote.

It was pretty wonderful walk. I'll post pictures later today or tomorrow.

Till next time.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Weddings part 2

My cousin Kirsten got married on 9/27/2001. Yep right after the attack. Well, the church and reception went off with no problems. We walk across the street from the hall to the hotel and find out there is a tatoo convention going on. It was kind of funny, there I am in a brides maid dress waving my flowers around, walking through the lobby a little tipsy. Ok a lot tipsy. So we get up to the rooms to continue the partying, when security knocks on the door. We open it and there is the grooms man that I stood up with and a security guard. Well he is being escorted out of the hotel because he and a few of the wedding guests had stole the hotel van. It is kind of funny looking back on it. Well it was funny at the time. Oh wait I was slightly drunk.

Jump to June 2002 to my brother's wedding. Wedding and reception go with no problems. Lots of drinking involved. See the pattern at family weddings. So my sober step brother decides after the reception he wants Steak and Shake. Well my young sober cousin talks me and sister into going. Mind you 2 of are a little tipsy. Do the 2 sober ones get the idea to drive a little crazy to see if we get suck. Nope we at this point are pros at drinking at family weddings. So we get all the food and get to the hotel parking lot when we notice 2 police cars. I'm like those are for our family. Everybody else is like no can't be. So we get back to one of the rooms and low and behold they were fir us. Gee who was the genius to not put a block of rooms for a wedding together. Well my parents room was next to another guest who complained multiple times that we were too loud. HELLO what did you think hotel staff was gonna happen when the wedding came back to their rooms.

Yep then in 2005 at my other cousins wedding we had nothing happen that was like that. Of course I joked that the next level was an arrest.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Weddings part 1

I have stood up in about 7 weddings so far. With number 8 coming up in October.

One is the first weddings was my best friend Cherie's. I happened to be the maid of honor and in church I was to follow her while she lit a candle so I could straighten out her train. Well as we were walking through the church at that part of the ceremony, I stepped on the train of her dress and you could see her stumble because of it. We did laugh about it because it was typical me.

Then at the reception hall her grandmother goes to the restroom and clogs one of the two toilets. This in turn makes a mess and when Cherie has to go to the bathroom, the two of us end up in the the strangest position. I gather up her dress and pull it in front of her and off of the ground and she backs into the stall and awhile she starts sitting I have to slightly bend over and my butt is hanging out of the stall in a burgundy colored dress. This would have been a great picture perfect moment.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Hearts

Just a little doodling.

Really people

I get an email at the beginning of February from a lady who wants to order purses. She tells me she doesn't use credit card and has a hearing disability so she only communicates via email. She said her previous consultant stop selling due to her getting cancer. The whole email didn't sound right. The grammar and spelling was awful. Don't get me wrong I'm not a perfect writer but it was like a kid was writing it. I had an uneasy feeling but I figured I'd respond and I said I'd order the purses once I got the check. Which she understood

A week or so goes by and I hear from her and she was in a car accident on her way from West Virginia to Missouri because her father passed away. She said her daughter got her transferred to another hospital. She said her debit cut a check to me for the order and for her doctor and that it was mailed. Also, she said she was mad because of it.

Another few weeks go by and I email her saying I haven't received the check. She emails me back stating that something was wrong with the address that FedEx had and that it was corrected. Ok so I keep and eye out for the check and I never receive it.

Today I receive an email starting that I should have a check today. She wants me to cash the check keep the money for the purses and send the rest to her doctor ASAP. Right like I'm just going to deposit a $2000 check and turn around and send $1750 to a doctor I do not even know. Heck I don't even know this lady. So I send her an email stating I do not want to be responsible for getting the money to the doctor. I then forward the email to the owner of the company that I am an independent demonstrator stating I do not feel comfortable with it and wanted them to know in case anyone calls to complain

So the lady emails me again asking that I send the money to the doctor so she can get treatment. I explain to her that I sympathize with her situation but I am sending her check back.

I can't just trust anyone that I don't know. Don't get me wrong I help people but this is so fishy.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Kids and toilets

I was in the kitchen at my brothers house with my 3 year old niece when my 5 year nephew calls me from the bathroom saying auntie the toliet is broke. I walk to the bathroom with my niece in tow to see my nephew standing there with just his shirt on and the toliet filled with water. So I grab the plunger and start plunging when my nephew proceeds to tell me I am supposed to flush first then plunge. I'm thinking flushing all the bodily stuff and toliet paper got us in this mess. Well I unclog the toliet and proceeded to tell him if you poop first flush the poop then wipe then flush the toliet paper and if you need to wipe more than flush again. I had to laugh as that was the same lecture my brother and I got when we were kids.

Still rockin something and vents

I am still trucking ahead on things I want to do. Some of it I just need the courage to do it. In time it will happen.

I am looking forward to the end of the month vendor event. No clean up. I think as I do more of these the more I won't be doing them in my home and at someone else's. But in the meantime I will work through my issues with having it at my house.

Some days I wonder if people are really clueless or they just do not care. I struggle everyday with food and I want to eat when I'm stressed and some people are like well I joined a gym and while saying it they are stuffing their face with twizzlers. I just want to say you think the gym alone will take care of it all. But I know they could say something back to me since I also have a weight issue. What they don't know is that I am working on it and know that it takes healthily eating, watching my calories and working out. On top on therapy to help. I have gone from 267 to 200 and now I am at 239. It is hard and takes a lot of work but I am not giving up. Some people just do not get it. They only want to do half of it and do not realize that they have some health issues because if their weight.

Just a little venting.

Comments always welcome.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Work and life

Now that the weekend is over I can say I'd rather have a house full of people then being in a corporate setting. But I am working on changing that which I have said before.

I am looking forward to the vendor event at the end of the month, no cleaning for me. It is in a store front which is good. I think it will be fun. Those type of settings I love. I thoroughly enjoy it. Having these part time jobs is work but it is worth it if I can get out of my full time position and do what I enjoy. Which appears to be a lot. But in time it will all work out.

I need to place my Melaleuca order today. I love their products and the best part I don't have to drive to pick up the same products that I buy in the stores. Items like cleaning products, makeup and vitamins. I end up saving money because I do not have to use gas to drive anywhere to buy them plus with products in the store shipping is figured into the price of the products. Plus I end up with free time not being at the store. It's a win-win all around.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Vendor event

The weekend turned out good. We had multiple vendors at my house, a total of 5. Some is us sell then more then 1 company. I made some sales. But of course I get antsy when people are over too long. It must be my anxiety. I guess I like I like my space and when I'm done I get anxious.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Thoughts

The more I get out and do things the more I realize how much I love living life. Everybody has their own interests and mine seem to have changed over the years. I have never been a big movie person but in my younger years I watched more than I do now. I rarely watch them. To me they are a waste when there are so many other things to do. Like photography, hiking, taking an art class or just sitting and taking like in. There is some tv that I watch but again that had dwindled over the years. For me it is not living life being in a house in front of the boob tube. But that is me and I know people who like that and that is fine for them.

Being active is something I loved as a kid and got away from. But I am getting back to it and it feels awesome. It is all about balance.

Friday, March 2, 2012

The joys of parties

This weekend may be busy but it will be fun. Good thing my house isn't all that dirty. I have a house full of people coming on Sunday for a candle, spice/food, purse, chocolate, and toy party. I cannot wait. This may be my chance to step up my game on my part time jobs.

I could use some sleep though. I went to bed way too late. I couldn't stop reading my book and looking for things on my iPad.

Until next time please feel free to comment.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Offices and food

I swear people in offices eat more than anyone. Yes, me included. After a majority of us went to lunch two of the most unhealthy people start asking if anyone wants to order pizza with them. I was like I already went and ate. Then once the pizza came they started asking more people if they wanted pizza and the answer was the same I already ate. I'm sitting here thinking hello McFlys do you not realize what time it is and that it is after lunch time. It's quite comical.

Please free to comment.