Tuesday, November 29, 2016

I am not saying more. lol

If you don’t like transaction based jobs, then why are you a cashier at a big store?  Get a new job then.  Oh, and you say you're over qualified.  Honey hate to tell you so are some other here that are too.  So suck it up and deal with it until something better comes along.

Oh, I’m asking too many questions and I’m bugging you.  Tough shit, you were new once too.  It’s not like you were born perfect.

No, we don’t sit on orders waiting for you to call with more.  We ship them out when you place the order.  Maybe you should wait to call if you think you’ll have more.

I’m sorry I’m not the post office so I don’t know how they lose packages and mail. And no I am not in charge of them that’s the governments job.  Maybe if you think you can do better then you should go work for them

If you ever wonder why I don’t call, maybe it’s time for you to call or text.  Phones are a wonderful thing.  Not only do they receive calls and texts but they call out too.  Try it sometime.

Pigs idea of flying is when they jump.  So there’s your when pigs fly theory.

Friday, November 25, 2016

Shopping on Turkey day

With the turkey hangover I had yesterday I could not have gone shopping with the crowds.  Not to mention the sugar high and having a few drinks on top of that.  Lord people with the way the parking lots were before the stores opened I don’t know how you all did it.  Did you all eat at 9 am so it would all wear off in time?  I can picture it now people trying to stay in a straight line waiting to get an IPad or a computer and instead it is a zig zag line weaving through other lines and no one know what is what.  The lines are going through the men’s room then weaving down the tampon isle then into the basement and the attic of the Kohl’s next door. Then finally you can see the light at the end of the tunnel and the line goes 2 miles down the road through a few peoples dining rooms, where you can eat again.  Finally, you can get the coveted iPad deal of the day.  Only to realize you waited 6.66 hours for a savings of $69.

Good luck with that shopping on Thanksgiving day and on black Friday.  I’m either in my cozy warm bed or working.  I’ll catch the same deals closer to the holiday or I’ll buy all my friends and family things from friends who sell candles, jewelry or any other direct sales items.  Not to mention that nothing will be left because the same deals were out on Turkey day and were taking by all the turkeys.  Not to mention the lines will be longer and will go through more dinning rooms and a few lakes.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Thanksgiving day letter a day early

Everything has been status quo since the last holiday letter on Halloween. With all the kids all over the world and universe I am using a transporter to visit them all.  Since Ursula, Agnes, and Augustus are all growing things and I have a successful dirt farm I am bringing them dirt.  The dirt is rich in nutrients and some gold and goats, that their crops will love it to play and frolic in it.

I have managed to recruit 5 fuzzy bunnies and 8 chairs for the circus and under water gymnastics team.  They will be crossed trained and will be able to do any of the stunts and will travel the world and the galaxies.  There seems to be a need for this across the galaxies.  The bunnies will probably breed like rabbits so they can branch off and do more shows for more people, animals, and space creatures.

Until Christmas have a great month.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Really there's a town called Spanish Fork Utah

With a name like Spanish Fork Utah it makes you wonder how it was named.  Did a fork from Spain travel over the ocean and decide to settle there?  Was a fork from Central America found in the ground here.  I wonder happened to the spoon and the knife.  Did they settle somewhere else?  Did they start a village in the Mariana Trench or on the moon?  Then the spork did he start an island somewhere called the Spork Islands.  They could be near the Bermuda Triangle or maybe near Antarctica.

So if you’re interested here is the real history on Spanish Fork Utah.  I looked it up so I could read about the city.  It does look like a wonderful place to visit. 


Monday, November 21, 2016

Some days I wonder about myself

I’m not sure what is more fun playing freeze tag with ice cubes or with fish.

If there really is a man on the moon he must be sick of cheese.

I had a really good vacation with the Martians.  We played tag with the fleas and sparkles on the sun.

Why yes I have a weird sense of humor.  I like to dance on my head while I fart sparkles.

What dancing on your eyelash isn’t normal?

Really who hasn’t scanned or copied a body part.  If you’re holding the paper while doing it then you just scanned or copied your finger.  What did you think I was talking about?

If you are secure in who you are, you would not be threatened by anyone else especially me.  Because I fart and sneeze sparkles.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Until people stop being idiots I continue with these

One day I may get back to the blonde moments.  But until then I'll bite my tongue even though at times it is no fun.  Because people have lost all common sense.

To all those who said they’d leave if Trump was elected.  Please go.  I’ll help you pack your bags.

The only people that put a division in this country are the people protesting not the person in the White House or the President elect.

If my happy ass has to be drug tested for a job, then your happy ass should be drug tested for taking my money via welfare.

Oh honey, try embarrassing us in front of customers, because you do that now and people are leaving.
Maybe if you paid your bill on time you would get what your ordered.

Talk a little softer because I don’t think the fleas and ticks heard you.

Don’t make a threat that your butt cannot cash when the police show up at your door step.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Get over it and deal with it

Really nothing is going to happen if you root for the other Chicago team.  It’s not like arms are going to grow out of your ears.  If they do that means you have extra hands to hold all your shit.

Go ahead and unfriend me because of my political views.  Looks like you may not have a lot of friends because we all don’t think alike on anything or everything.

Thanks to all the stores who look like Christmas threw up in your store before Halloween.  You may see my sparkling face after Thanksgiving but don’t hold your breath.

Really the store is a mess.  What did you think we were doing between the $3000 worth of sales in about 3 hours?  In fact, why don’t you take it up with the store manager since she’s ringing customers and I’m helping 3 people on the floor.

Oh, you left your phone at home and you feel lost.  What the hell did you do when it was attached to the wall prior to cell phones?

Suck it up suckers this is life and if you don’t like it then change the path you’re on.

Hey butthead, are those Christmas lights up and turned on already?  I think I’ll buy some live turkeys and put them in your front lawn.  Good luck.

It never hurt you as a kid to be punished so why not control your kids and punish them once in a while.  Maybe then people would not stare at you with laser beams eyes.

It wouldn’t hurt your precious ass to say hello and goodbye on a phone call.  Common curtsey and manners are still in style.  Just saying.

Oh you think Canada has free shit, like health care and you want to move there.  Don’t let the door hit you in where the sun doesn’t shine and don’t come crawling back because their taxes are higher to pay for free shit.

Put your adults pants on and deal with it.  It’s America and be happy you live here and not on the moon.

Monday, November 7, 2016

Excuse note for the election

To Whom It May Concern:

Hi this is America and in case you haven’t heard the election is Tuesday 11-8-2016. Please excuse _____________ from work/school/etc. on Wednesday 11-9-2016.

They are being big whiney crybabies because their candidate did not win and they are not fit to come to work.  They need the day to learn how to put their big adult pants on and deal with life.

Thank You and have a great day.



Thursday, November 3, 2016

Excuse note for the Chicago Cubs parade and rally from the Goat

To Whom It May Concern:

Hi this is the goat and in case you haven’t heard my curse has been broken and the Cubs won the World Series.  This is a huge deal.  It was 108 years in the making with 71 of them being cursed by me.  So please excuse _____________ from work/school/etc. on Friday 11/4/16 for the Parade/Rally in Chicago, IL.

So please allow them to come so they can finally kick my ass to the curb and celebrate in true Chicago style.

Thank You and have a great day.


The Billy Goat and the World Series Chicago Cubs

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

It's not like this is gonna happen, so suck it up

People, really come on.  Nothing is that bad that you cannot deal with it for a period of time.    No one’s left nipple fell off because someone said Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays.  You didn’t lose your left eyebrow and the right one turned lime green because you missed your TV show.  Nor did your head turn into a piece of pie.  This, by the way, would make feeding yourself so much easier because you can eat your face.  What happens after it’s all been eaten is beyond me.  You’re on your own with that one.  But I'd be prepared for anything if I was your goofy ass.

Point of the matter is no matter who wins the World Series or the election nothing major is going to happen.  People may say they will leave the county but they won’t because they are all talk and no action.  It’s not like arms are going to grow out of your butt so you can no longer sit down.  But if it did happen think how about much easier wiping your ass would be.  That would a great thing to happen.  Not to mention being able to grab things behind you.  

So suck it up and deal with whatever happens.  If you don’t want to then suck donkey balls and grow some feet out of your head so you can walk differently than the rest of us.