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Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Your butt isn't made of gold, so change that roll of toilet paper

We have all been there.  We walk into the bathroom and there’s a roll of toilet paper sitting on top of the holder.  Come on people they keep the key in the holder.  How can you not change it?  Do you not change it at home?  I think some people think that there’s a bathroom fairy that will change the rolls.  If you use it replace it.  It’s a simple concept and let’s face it,  it's respectful to change it.

What’s worse is when there are 2 rolls sitting on top of a full holder.  It’s like what the frigging frack.  Are you too good to use what’s in the holder on your butt?  Is your butt made of gold?  If that’s the case, why are you pooping out of it.  Gold is a precious metal; your butt isn’t so change that roll of paper!

Monday, March 26, 2018

Shower curtain that holds phones and tablets....UHH NO thank you.

Really people!  Now you need a shower curtain that has pockets for your tablets and phones?  Is nothing sacred anymore?  I can picture it now, a whole bunch of nitwits will accidently take a video of themselves and post it on social media.  Then these same people will have their panties in an uproar and blaming everyone else.  Because they were too busy playing with their phones instead of washing their private bits.  They will also want all shower curtains to be banned and have regulations because their naked asses ended up on the internet.   So if you do not want your naked soapy asses on the internet then don’t play with your phone or tablet in the show.

If you want something to play with in the shower I’m sure you can still find some bath toys at Toys-R-Us at a great price.  Plus, they also make waterproof adult toys that you can use in the shower as well.  So you have lots of options if you don’t want your naked private bits on the internet.

So please do all of us a favor and don’t play with your phones and tablets in the shower.  I have a hard time looking at my naked ass in the shower and I sparkle.  So I really don’t want to see you plain ass self in the shower.  Unless you’re a 6-foot male who has 6-pack abs.  Now that’s a whole different story. 

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Because I am not doing enough

Like I am not doing enough but I have now joined a gym.  I figured I deal with stupid people daily I might as well go let off some steam and work out.  While I am there I'm sure I'll see more stupid shit. Why?  Because it's me and people like to show me their stupid shit.  Trading Spaces is back on TLC. What that was my squirrel moment?  Loved that show when it was on.

Now I have another thing to record the joys of DVR.  At least I don't have a ton of VHS tapes anymore.  Oh, wait those are under the bed.

So I am adding more to my every busy day.  But hey who needs sleep.

Monday, March 12, 2018

Why yes delivery companies play ding dong ditch

Really people you’re going to return your order because UPS just left it on your door step.  How long have you been ordering things?  Do you not realize that UPS and FedEx like to play ding dong ditch?  They ring your doorbell and ditch the package.  It’s common knowledge they do this with residential deliveries.  My advice is to call them and complain to them because it is out of our control here at the store.  Oh, you do not have time to call them but you can drive all the way to the store return your item.  Makes total sense to return it and have to go searching again for the item.    If you don’t want them to play ding dong ditch have your packages delivered to your place of work or put a note that they need a signature.  Better yet suck it up and deal with it.  Because you are creating way too much work for yourself.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

The extent of my creativeness

If monkeys were flying out of your nose you’d think I was weird.  But out of my butt you’d say I was hiding them from their elephant family.

That has been the extent of my creativeness over the past few weeks.  Why do you ask?  Well it’s not because I have been living the high life on some tropical beach in the Caribbean.  I have been working 56 hours a week, reading, binge watching The L Word on Netflix, and playing games on  So I have been pretty mindless lately.  After the Olympics and the awful school shootings I have needed some mindless stuff to do. 

Friday, February 16, 2018

Just when you think the stupid people have all but gone away

All the stupid people have been in hibernating, Why, do you ask?  Because I have not encountered as many in my retail job.  Don’t get me wrong there are the ones who still try to return a used toilet that is the avocado green color that was popular in the 1970’s.  Umm yea no that one you cannot return.  What is it you say?  You just bought it.  Umm maybe back in 1972 via time travel.

Oh and I’m not a mind reader when you call to say you placed an order on the 12 and didn’t receive it how am I supposed to know that you received an order that was placed on the 14 when I start looking into orders placed on the 12.  Might help if you said I am trying to track an order I placed on the 12 that I haven’t received but did receive one that I placed on the 14.  Would have same you some aggravation.  Just saying.