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Monday, October 24, 2016

She-Crab soup and texting

I have an uncle who loves She-Crab soup.  Every time he visits my mom and step-father he eats it about every day he's there.  So while I was visiting my mom asked I take a picture and send it to him. I was OK but I don't have his number so I'll send it to the aunt to show him.  So I sent it to the aunt and my mom.  So the aunt comes back with this doesn't make any sense Missy.  I was like that doesn't sound like how the aunt talks,  Then I noticed I sent it to the wrong aunt.  Opps..Just another blonde moment.

Monday, October 17, 2016

Good thing I can post these here

Some days duct tape cannot fix stupid.  Then they should just be fired or shipped off to space.

What’s the point of a debate if one person is going to mudsling causing the other to defend themselves and mudsling back?

Keep talking softly, so I have to ask you to repeat yourself multiple times.  Then I’ll talk softer so you don’t know if I’m talking at all.

The presidential race would be more interesting if it was like TV shows survivor or big brother.  Last person standing wins.

Yes, I have a sparkling personality that has a weird, dry sense of humor.  If you don’t like it then suck donkey balls.

You want normal please leave the planet and visit Uranus.

Come on people the shirt only comes in 1 color why are you so indecisive on the colors?  Take or leave it.

The hard drive in my brain is full please and it is not accepting any more drama or bullshit.

Really, you just started working here Ms. Know-It-All.  So zip it. Thanks!

Friday, October 14, 2016

The things that pop into my head

Oh peeps the brain isn't working. I think there are some gold fish swimming in my head. I wonder if they'd like a steak dinner.

Rode my hamster wheel aka the bike and wouldn't you know it 7 four year olds passed me. And they were only walking.

If only I could wear a long skirt and a big blouse with a lot of necklaces and bracelets. Then add the big 80's hair. What a great look that would be?  I could be leader of the 80's gypsies.

Yep I can blink my eyes and make stuff happen. You can't see it because it's in my head.

Now where did I leave my eyes?

Who thought getting my ears pierced 5 times was a good idea. I should have pierced my hair 5 times.

Blue mascara was awesome. I need to find it so I can wear it with my skirt and big blouse.

So if the world is round do we really walk straight?

If the world was flat would there be a fence to stop things from falling off the edge?

One day the one blonde brain cell will multiply.  When it does watch out something stupid funny may happen.

The fish have moved on to a new fishbowl.  Maybe more blond brain cells will multiply since the fish are gone.

Purple cats don't like to be chased by lime green monkeys.

I do not think I have ever seen a purple cat, unless it fell into a pitcher of grape Kool aide.

Blinking my eyes does not make magic happen, it is done with my nose.

I'm very adorable and cuddly. Just ask the willow tree over there.

Saying, go suck donkey balls, is a lot funnier to say then go to hell.

When I buy a new car I think it should be bubble wrapped for the first year.

Good thing about having an elephant in your house making a mess, he can also clean it up by knocking it down.

Heads have enough holes in them to be bowling balls.  Just take some sandpaper and sand down the nose and ears.

One word meow, it must be a pretty boring conversation.

Nah, I'm not strange I'm eccentric and I'm fine with it.

Does an elephant get another trunk when he goes on vacation or does he pack the one he has?

There are monkeys are in my head eating popcorn and watching movies.

Stop sucking my blood you vampire. You have your own so drink it.

My DVR is hoarding the TV show Hoarders. I think it needs an intervention.

Ever see an ant and an elephant play leapfrog. Me neither.

I have so much sparkle that when I fart, I fart sparkles.

Purple sparkles come out when I blow my nose.

Sparkles, Sparkles, and more sparkles.  They make everything prettier.

The ant and elephant playing leapfrog is still on tour.

There’s a new tour of the year, a bee and a horse singing a duet.

I think there should be a tour of bees buzzing.  I’m sure they have some good hits.

Thursday, October 6, 2016

I have been in space working. Not!

If only I was in space working, I'd probably enjoy it more.  With the way the earthlings have been maybe they should be in space.  They have been so cranky that even duct tape cannot fix it and that fixes most anything.  At least in my mind it does.  If you have to be cranky then lock yourself in your house and eat a tub of ice cream like the rest of us do.  Now if your ass is lactose intolerant then find something else like a hamburger. But calm the crap down people.

Thank you and have a great day.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Please let me say these

Really I’d sell more if my items were free.  Hello, crazy man that would be samples and I am not giving out samples.  Do you not realize people are here with a product to sell it not give it away and give them away to freeloaders?

Just because I sell food items does not mean I offer samples.  Do I look like I am running a restaurant?

Maybe if you took me off of speaker I wouldn’t have to ask you to repeat yourself, so don’t get aggravated with me.

Saying my name 10 times on a 4 minute phone call is a tad much.  I don’t think I knew my name that I’ve had for 45 years before you called.

When I ask for your account number I do no need your phone number.  Please pay attention.

Oh, I didn’t realize I was supposed to remember everybody’s account number that I talk to you.

Suck it up buttercup it’s the season of people fighting over the presidential candidates.  So don’t pull me into the mix of mudslinging.

No one has to make me look immature and funny, I do that on my own.

If you are too tired or hung over to talk then don’t call to place an order.

Really if I had an exact date I wouldn’t be telling you the item is available early October.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Take this you grammar police

Yes, we all make grammar mistakes.  For me if I'm writing a professional paper I will proofread and edit until all the mistakes are fixed.  But to this grammar police who feel it's ok to correct everything little thing I have 3 words. GET OVER IT!! Below is a perfect example where my misspelled word was found as funny and was not corrected by my 5th grade teacher. In fact she made a joke in the comments.

I'm looking for new shoes to watch. What's goood? And go.
Renee Kempiak Marotto I like to watch flip flops. They're my favorite, really. It's a bummer when winter comes around and I can't wear them anymore because then I don't get to watch others wear them either. Sigh....
Nicole Weilandt I love you!!! Smartass.
Renee Kempiak Marotto Right back at you 
LikeReply23 hrs
Kelly Fleck
Write a reply...
Kelly Fleck My stupid typos shows.
Renee Kempiak Marotto I love being a smartass sometimes 
Kelly Fleck I just laugh at my typos. Jeanne Nickell Tobie do you miss rhem
Renee Kempiak Marotto So do I! I've had some real doozy's lol!
Kelly Fleck I chalk it up to my sparkling and witty personality.
Renee Kempiak Marotto Yes indeed!! Sorry I don't have any real shows to share with you. I watch reruns of Friends constantly, so I don't branch out too much lol!
Kelly Fleck
Write a reply...
Kizi Duffy Lol!! The shoes comment made my night. Mine are the same ole. Walking Dead, Greys Anatomy, How to Get Away with Murder, Fear the Walking Dead, Talking Dead, The Affair, Homeland, Bones and The View. That's about all I watch.
LikeReply23 hrs
Kizi Duffy Oh and The Voice.
LikeReply23 hrs
Jenn Sennett There a few new shows starting I will be trying out... on abc,nbc and cbs
LikeReply17 hrs
Jean Walsh I don't usually watch shoes, I'd rather go barefoot
LikeReply16 hrs
Genevieve Victoria Dancing with the stars!
LikeReply15 hrs
Jessica Best You can always watch my shoes, they're so pretty
LikeReply115 hrs
Felicia Ratajczyk Omg Renee Kempiak Marotto! I'm dying over here. I think I'm crying I'm laughing so hard.
UnlikeReply314 hrs