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Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Laziness and scamming. Suck it up people and get a life

Oh, the returns desk said you couldn’t return something.  I’m sorry but they are the ones who handle returns not the cashiers.  If you’d like to complain please feel free to walk back down to them because they can further assist you.  By the way stop trying to convince the entire store staff that your 6-year-old opened the boxes of lights because he was excited for Christmas.  Because I don’t think he would swap out new lights with old ones.

If someone says they have a hard time hearing you because there’s static on your phone, then switch phones.

Just because your homeless doesn’t mean that you cannot do things for yourself.  It may be 2 steps down to the bathroom you can use the elevator rather than using someone else’s shoulder.  Not to mention you should have your sleeping area all set up before 3 am when the others are already asleep.

Some days I’m not what people want to read more. funny things or sarcastic things.

Really people.  Nordstrom’s is selling a rock for $85 and it’s sold out.  What?  Your lazy ass cannot go find your own rock on the street and put in a leather pouch for way cheaper.

People suck it up and stop being lazy.  In fact I'll sell you a rock for $60 that I found on the street.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Hey you scammers

To whom it may concern:

Please excuse ___________ from the Christmas season.  They feel the need to scam stores by attempting to return items that were opened and swapped out with an old version of the item.  Then proceed to blame their 6-year-old child saying that they were too excited to wait and opened the package.  They also tried to use multiple coupons that were only 1 time use coupons.

So we are taking away all their decorations and their holiday spirit until they can get shit together.  In the meantime, they will need to clean out the reindeer stalls, until they stop the scamming ways.  If that doesn’t work, they will have to pull the big jolly guy around instead of the reindeer.  Let’s see how they like pulling the big fat guy around.

Thank You,

The Retail World

Friday, December 2, 2016

Good Titles for Books and Their Synopsis

People Whose Eyeballs need to be Slapped

Stories of people who are stupid and do idiotic things in their life’s.  People who walk while texting and bump into 20 people because they are not paying attention.  A woman uses 2 carts to grocery shop and takes up 3 entire aisles with said carts.  An adult man changes lanes 6 times and cuts off 25 people and hits 3 cars and blames everybody else, sir your eyeballs need to be slapped.  Plus, many other stories in detail about who’s eyeballs need to be slapped because they have no common sense that the good fleas gave them to function in life.

Slap Yourself and Put on Your Big Girl/Boy Pants On

People who complain and whine about everything need to put on their big girl/boy pants on and get over their shit.  Stories of people who complain about who was elected as president, the weather, and the fact that unicorns fart and burp sparkles. The fact that there are free countries to live in on the plant or that the planet isn’t square.  Please slap yourself and put your big girl/boy pants on and deal with these issues.  Plus, many other stories of people who feel the need to put themselves first and think that other countries need more help than the one they live in.

Sparkly People Who Throw Confetti

Some people are just so happy they sparkle.  You know the ones; they walk around all sparkly throwing confetti all around them.  They are happy with everything little thing that happens and find the positive in any situation.  We will visit a lady who draws all the time and sells her artwork to ants to raise money for monkeys in need. Come and enjoy the journey of sparkles and confetti.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Letters, funnies and protests! Get the whip out.

Really fish don’t fly.  What about the ones that jump out of the water? Maybe they are practicing.

When I fly, I fly in style with sparkles and rainbows.  Who wouldn’t love to fly that way?


Purple Flea
If there ever was a purple flea
Now would be the time
To play tag with it

In the lush green forest

Sounds like you were not listening when I repeated something back to you.  Your junk almost got sent somewhere else.  Please clean the crap out of your ears.

To Whom It May Concern:

Please excuse _______________ from living a great life in America.  They have been out rioting and causing damage to property that others have worked so hard for. Since they do not know how to riot peacefully or how to act like adults we need treat them like kids.  Once they figure out how to turn their crappy attitudes around then we can treat them like adults again and they can have a great life again.

Until them sprinkle them with sparkles and confetti so they can either become more annoyed or become more peaceful.

Thank You,
The Rest of the Peace Loving Americans

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

I am not saying more. lol

If you don’t like transaction based jobs, then why are you a cashier at a big store?  Get a new job then.  Oh, and you say you're over qualified.  Honey hate to tell you so are some other here that are too.  So suck it up and deal with it until something better comes along.

Oh, I’m asking too many questions and I’m bugging you.  Tough shit, you were new once too.  It’s not like you were born perfect.

No, we don’t sit on orders waiting for you to call with more.  We ship them out when you place the order.  Maybe you should wait to call if you think you’ll have more.

I’m sorry I’m not the post office so I don’t know how they lose packages and mail. And no I am not in charge of them that’s the governments job.  Maybe if you think you can do better then you should go work for them

If you ever wonder why I don’t call, maybe it’s time for you to call or text.  Phones are a wonderful thing.  Not only do they receive calls and texts but they call out too.  Try it sometime.

Pigs idea of flying is when they jump.  So there’s your when pigs fly theory.

Friday, November 25, 2016

Shopping on Turkey day

With the turkey hangover I had yesterday I could not have gone shopping with the crowds.  Not to mention the sugar high and having a few drinks on top of that.  Lord people with the way the parking lots were before the stores opened I don’t know how you all did it.  Did you all eat at 9 am so it would all wear off in time?  I can picture it now people trying to stay in a straight line waiting to get an IPad or a computer and instead it is a zig zag line weaving through other lines and no one know what is what.  The lines are going through the men’s room then weaving down the tampon isle then into the basement and the attic of the Kohl’s next door. Then finally you can see the light at the end of the tunnel and the line goes 2 miles down the road through a few peoples dining rooms, where you can eat again.  Finally, you can get the coveted iPad deal of the day.  Only to realize you waited 6.66 hours for a savings of $69.

Good luck with that shopping on Thanksgiving day and on black Friday.  I’m either in my cozy warm bed or working.  I’ll catch the same deals closer to the holiday or I’ll buy all my friends and family things from friends who sell candles, jewelry or any other direct sales items.  Not to mention that nothing will be left because the same deals were out on Turkey day and were taking by all the turkeys.  Not to mention the lines will be longer and will go through more dinning rooms and a few lakes.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Thanksgiving day letter a day early

Everything has been status quo since the last holiday letter on Halloween. With all the kids all over the world and universe I am using a transporter to visit them all.  Since Ursula, Agnes, and Augustus are all growing things and I have a successful dirt farm I am bringing them dirt.  The dirt is rich in nutrients and some gold and goats, that their crops will love it to play and frolic in it.

I have managed to recruit 5 fuzzy bunnies and 8 chairs for the circus and under water gymnastics team.  They will be crossed trained and will be able to do any of the stunts and will travel the world and the galaxies.  There seems to be a need for this across the galaxies.  The bunnies will probably breed like rabbits so they can branch off and do more shows for more people, animals, and space creatures.

Until Christmas have a great month.