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Friday, February 24, 2017

The power of blonde

People don’t underestimate the power of the blonde.  I know more of what’s going on than you think you little 23-year-old.  I have learned how to handle and deal with it in my own way.  In other words, I don’t deal with drama and the more drama filled you are the more I don’t talk to you or I call you out on it.  So you may think I’m bitchy or stand offish but it works for me so I’m pulled into useless bullshit.

Whether your post was supposed to be funny or not and you take it down it looks a little funny.  The post was from a person in her early 20’s, about someone being sick and coming back to work then the boss saying that’s what we like you throw up, shit and come back.  What are you afraid someone will call you out on your medical bullshit that you cannot keep straight.  I think you are because since you have started you haven’t work more than 3-4 full weeks out of what 8.  Hey little girl, yes little girl because you still have a lot to learn and a lot of growing up to do acting like you do does get noticed and will not get you far in life.

Now I understand that not all 20 year olds mature at the same rate, but if you are working in an office and trying to get ahead in the world don’t talk like you’re in high school and don’t be involved in drama.  Listen to what others have to offer.  Listening doesn’t mean you have to take their advice but you will learn a whole hell of a lot more that may help you down the road.  Hey it’s your life and if you want to learn the hard way then fine but don’t come asking me questions then going somewhere else to verify what I just said.

Monday, February 20, 2017

One day these will come out of my mouth

Yes, all my Facebook and other social media friends, my accounts have been hacked and please accept all my friend requests.  While you are at it, please send those requests tons of money, confetti, and sparkles.

Don’t go claiming that Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark holiday until you do your research.  If not, then just admit you don’t like love.

Stop acting like you’re in high school this is a work place.  If want the drama, then please go back to high school.

Why yes I have views on things?  But I don’t feel the need to yell them at the top of my lungs.  So I’ll just sparkle away in the world.

So you ask someone else about how to transfer to voicemail after you ask me.  Yup I’ll call you out on it.  Oh and get off your cell and answer calls.  It’s what you get paid to do.

Oh and by the way if you live in America he is your president.

Really you think you’re going to walk out of the store with windows, without someone asking for a receipt.  Wrong.  It’s part of my job get over it.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Short and funny Valentine Day sayings

I love you as much as a cat loves catnip.  Happy Valentine’s Day.

Sorry, my period didn’t know it was Valentine’s Day.  It thought it was just normal day.

Here is a variety pack of batteries for your date.  Happy Valentine’s Day.

Oh, you wanted a diamond ring.  Let me make one out of the chocolates and flowers I just bought for you.  Happy Valentine’s Day.

Happy Valentine’s day, here’s a sucker.

Your lonely today, here’s a goldfish.  Happy Valentine’s day.

Still lonely, here’s a flea for company.  Happy Valentine’s day.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Blonde Birthday Month Excuse Letter

To Whom It May Concern:

This month is the blonde one’s birthday month.  Please excuse her from thinking at all and just let her be goofy.  She is just either excited about turning 46 or a little bummed by it.  She’s not sure just yet.   So if you see her running down the street naked waving a vibrator and dildo with sparkles and confetti all around her just ignore it.  Better yet record a video of it to share with your friends for a food laugh.

Peace Out Peeps,

The Blonde One

Saturday, February 4, 2017

The birthday month

So my birthday month has started.  This year I am turning 46.  I don't mind sharing my age at all.  It's a number and I have learned a lot over the years as well as done a whole lot.  So this week the new person at work asked if I and my 57 year old boyfriend wanted to go to dinner with her, her boyfriend, and their friends.  Now mind you I have a lot of friends that range in age.  But I barley know her and she's turning 23 2 days after I turn 46.  Her plan is to go out and get hammered.  Which is fine at that age, but I am not into that.  I want a nice relaxing dinner with my close friends and family.  So I nicely declined all the while chuckling to myself.  Only because why would a 23 year old want to go out with middle aged people they barely know.

So later in the week I said to another coworker I am going to go clubbing for my birthday.  Now mind you this person I have know almost a year is about 27 years old and he gets my weird humor.  So this girl chimes in and starts naming off clubs and says she would be more that happy to go with me.  Um really if you paid attention to conversations you would know I stopped going to clubs years ago.  But ok lets run with this.  So it started going on with other people suggesting clubs all the while this other person and I are just chuckling.  Hey gotta have some fun right.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

When the blonde brain isn't producing

Yes, there are times when I have nothing.  The fish have gone dormant in the brain.  Hey it happens.  My blonde brain can’t work all the time.  If it does it can overheat and the sparkles and confetti start coming out of every hole in my head including my piercings.  Yes, that can happen.  Maybe I can turn myself into a 1-person circus act.  The One Blonde Brain Cell show-The Blondest Show in the Universe.  I wouldn’t need a big venue.  Just a stage to put my hippo on who is paying leap frog with a frog, a horse and a flea.

I’m thinking I may have to walk around some of the protests with rainbows coming out of my butt and sparkles out of my nose and confetti out of my ears.  Maybe that will calm their asses down enough not to do property damage.  If not, it’ll give them something to talk about.  I can bring the One Blonde Brain Cell show with me.  Could be fun and definitely entertaining.

Friday, January 27, 2017

If board games were played live or with new twists and a trampoline

If life was like the Candy Land game, we would all be sticky.  Just saying.

If the Chutes and Ladders game was turned into a ride we would all need a motion sickness patch.

It’s not a good idea to play a live version of Candy Land and Twister together.  You would end up a game burrito.

The should add a shaking feature to the games Hungry Hungry Hippo and Operation.  Imagine how much harder they would be.

Jumping on a trampoline without a bra on is just asking for a few black eyes.  Unless of course you have no boobs, then jump away.

Yep, there’s fish swimming around in my head.  Either that or I’m a blonde and things just happen.  Like forgetting to put shoes on and going for a 2-mile hike.