Another round of Things I’d love to say

So, your back hurts because of your chair.  Well stupid take off the pillow that’s strapped to back of it and that might help.

Why are you asking me if its mine when my name it on it?  Of course, it is, please get your eyes checked.

I like you just fine when you’re not always asking me how to close your browser.

Hey dumbass, use a turn signal and I might let you into traffic. 

Hey kids, the Adults will take over all social media.  Suck it up because we see how much fun Tik Tok really is and want to be all up in your business.

Really you have been having iPad issues every day since we last talked months ago and you just now say something.  Yes, certain things we can see but you have to tell us you are having an issue, since we don’t spy on you all the time.

Yes, I call my sparkly self out on shit before you take this personally.  Because I know you’ll try to sling some shit back at me.  If you do please make sure its fake and full of glitter.

Hey, ignorant purple assholes...leave messages

Hey, ignorant purple assholes the world does not wait just for you to call.  If you call in asking to be transferred to someone and you get their voicemail, it really is ok to leave them a message.  You don’t have to hang up and call back right away.  I highly doubt with all that is sparkly in the world, that they are off the phone in that half a minute it took you to call back in.  So please leave them a message with what you are needing and no I don’t know how long it will take them to call you back.  I am not their keeper here are work nor do I care to follow them with my head up their arse.  As much fun as that sounds I have better things to do.  Like cleaning up some elephant poop and making sculptures out of it.  So please learn how the real world works so I don’t have to live in a makeup world in my head because you all don’t know how to handle shit.

So here’s a little tip-leave messages and you will get your answers.  Calling every 15 seconds only aggravates you and gives us something to laugh at.  Yes, that happens because we need some comic relief.  Because when you start talking fast and raising your voice you start sounding like Alvin and the chipmunks.

Oh, the things I say and the purse

If you don’t laugh daily, you’ll shrivel up like a prune.

Hey lumber associate the 2 pretty boys need help loading their sheetrock.  They don’t want to get their old clothes dirty.

It’s so hot out I need glue to keep my sparkles on.

I am always leaving my wallet all over.  If I would put it back in my purse it would be a wonderful thing.  Yesterday I ran into a store to get frozen yogurt and grabbed my wallet out of my purse.  Now you’re probably thinking why didn’t she just grab her whole purse.  Have you crazy chuckleheads seen some of the purses we females carry, some are as big as a small suitcase.  Not only do we have to carry tampons, a wallet, makeup and a load of other crap, we also need to carry our kids diapers and toys.  Then the husband is handing over his wallet and power tools for us to hold.  So now you see why we have a suitcase sized purse.  It’s like we are carrying the entire house with us.  So now you know why I tend to forget my wallet and why some men carry a man purse.  Because let’s face it us woman we don’t need to carry around table saw like men feel the need to.  We just carry around a wide variety of feminine products.

One day these will come out of my mouth

Yes, all my Facebook and other social media friends, my accounts have been hacked and please accept all my friend requests.  While you are at it, please send those requests tons of money, confetti, and sparkles.

Don’t go claiming that Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark holiday until you do your research.  If not, then just admit you don’t like love.

Stop acting like you’re in high school this is a work place.  If want the drama, then please go back to high school.

Why yes I have views on things?  But I don’t feel the need to yell them at the top of my lungs.  So I’ll just sparkle away in the world.

So you ask someone else about how to transfer to voicemail after you ask me.  Yup I’ll call you out on it.  Oh and get off your cell and answer calls.  It’s what you get paid to do.

Oh and by the way if you live in America he is your president.

Really you think you’re going to walk out of the store with windows, without someone asking for a receipt.  Wrong.  It’s part of my job get over it.

Please I'm begging let me say these out loud

If you cough between every word, you might want someone else to make your phone calls for you.  Just saying.

Yes, the presidential inauguration is important but do your job and work.  It will be all over the news tonight when you get home.

Really people you cannot take the empty toilet paper roll and throw it away.  Does it have your peepee cooties?

Really.  People just want to get in and out and not be asked a million and 1 questions when they are buying their screws and nails or their clothes.  Just saying.

Don’t tell me what I should be offended by.  I have my own feelings and a very great mind.  If you don’t like that I’m not offended by the same stuff as you, then suck up and walk away.

If you have to damage property to get your point across, then don’t wonder why people look down on you.  Just saying.

Oh do I sound a little jaded.  Maybe it’s because you’re not using a vibrator on a regular basis to realize that I’m just sick and tired of stupid people.

If you have to spray half a can of Lysol, please go home to do your business because there’s a fog of Lysol that we are walking into.

Until people stop being idiots I continue with these

One day I may get back to the blonde moments.  But until then I'll bite my tongue even though at times it is no fun.  Because people have lost all common sense.

To all those who said they’d leave if Trump was elected.  Please go.  I’ll help you pack your bags.

The only people that put a division in this country are the people protesting not the person in the White House or the President elect.

If my happy ass has to be drug tested for a job, then your happy ass should be drug tested for taking my money via welfare.

Oh honey, try embarrassing us in front of customers, because you do that now and people are leaving.

Maybe if you paid your bill on time you would get what your ordered.

Talk a little softer because I don’t think the fleas and ticks heard you.

Don’t make a threat that your butt cannot cash when the police show up at your door step.

Please let me say these

Really I’d sell more if my items were free.  Hello, crazy man that would be samples and I am not giving out samples.  Do you not realize people are here with a product to sell it not give it away and give them away to freeloaders?

Just because I sell food items does not mean I offer samples.  Do I look like I am running a restaurant?

Maybe if you took me off of speaker I wouldn’t have to ask you to repeat yourself, so don’t get aggravated with me.

Saying my name 10 times on a 4 minute phone call is a tad much.  I don’t think I knew my name that I’ve had for 45 years before you called.

When I ask for your account number I do no need your phone number.  Please pay attention.

Oh, I didn’t realize I was supposed to remember everybody’s account number that I talk to you.

Suck it up buttercup it’s the season of people fighting over the presidential candidates.  So don’t pull me into the mix of mudslinging.

No one has to make me look immature and funny, I do that on my own.

If you are too tired or hung over to talk then don’t call to place an order.

Really if I had an exact date I wouldn’t be telling you the item is available early October.

Can I just say these already?

We have become so politically correct its nuts.  Not to mention people are way to sensitive.  Get over and deal with it people.  We cannot be wimps.  I for one am a grown ass adult who can handle it.  So until then here is what Id like to say to people.

Put your big boy pants on and get over your shit; I’m just doing my job and trying to help you.

With your pie hole open like that, I’m not sure if you’re either catching flies or talking stupid.

Oh, there’s food on my shirt.  I was saving that for later.

If ya’ll would stop complaining about things and do something about it, things may change.

It might be a good idea if you get your chin waxed when you get your eyebrows done.

Didn’t Pokémon get lost in the 1990s, so why not leave it there?

If Pokémon doesn’t come with a shot of any liquor I’m not looking for his sorry ass.(Crazy Pokémon Go game)

I no longer think that’s a pole up your ass.  I think it’s a vibrator turned on high.

No one asked you to micro manage me, but training me would be helpful.

Really please spell out Kelly which happens to be my name, in case you forgot.

Seriously stop repeating what the fuck I say in every conversation we have.  One of us must be drunk if that’s happening and it’s not me.

Patient goes a long way.  Please use it so I don’t have to poke you in your eye.  Thank you and have a great day.

With the way you’re talking either you have food in your mouth or your dentures are loose.

No, I don’t sell too many things.  I am just a one stop shop.

Really you’re going to buy that candle from a big box store and not support local stores and direct sales people.  Oh look your kid is selling cookies.  I’ll buy them from the store.

It’s obvious you don’t understand with how many times you say others don’t understand.

I think the marbles fell into your mouth with the way you’re talking.

Some days I think everyone else is blonde and I’m the normal one.

There is nothing better than an 89 year old woman saying I’m going to find me something sexy to wear in Victoria’s Secret, while sitting the middle of a mall.

If you think we are not doing our jobs then please fire us and get some one new people to deal your bi-polar ass.

Really you’re going to complain that the paperwork isn’t done because someone was on vacation.  Suck it buttercup and be the manager that you’re supposed to be.

Really you just opened the paper tray on the printer and said paper is low and closed it and walked away.

If you cannot understand someone’s Facebook post then ask them what it’s about not me.  Better yet move on from the post.

Really you walked out with the mesh shirt that shows your bra.  I’m sorry but your kids should have said something if your hubby didn’t.